LOLA

Goodbye Cambridge, Hello New York City.

anotherdamnartist:

Officially out of Maryland and on the way to School of Visual Arts.

39 hours awake..

pie0:

spacelola:

I’m hallucinating, and I’m SPENT.

Someone was telling me the other day that 36 hours and you’re legally insane or something?

I hit over the 100 hour mark awake twice last year. I love the hallucinating part! But I hate how much your body aches afterwards as you feel internal bruising.

ugh man. and i totally began a 3 hour drive at hour 36.
i wouldn’t doubt it. i’ve been paying for this all week.
NO IDEA how you made it for 100. THAT is insane ;)

I forgot what it was like to create art.

tsexrex:

so, i play music for a living right now.  i get up on stage and play songs in front people anywhere from two to four nights a week.  so one would think that i would have no anxiety about just another show tomorrow night.  however, at all the shows that i have been playing lately, i play cover songs.  i play drums in one cover band and guitar and sing in another cover band.  i also play solo acoustic cover shows.  (hey, i know this means that i “sold out,” but i also “paid my bills,” and “kept my apartment.”  i don’t like it anymore than you do.  you can frowny face away at me.  if you are photographer and you are taking someone’s senior pictures next to their 2006 mustang then you know how i feel).  what makes the show tomorrow night special is that it is an original show.  now, i consider myself a song writer, and artist.  i don’t ever expect to make dick-tons of cash off of it, i just expect to enjoy it, and i try to make sure that i devote some time to it.  before my current financial situation i played almost exclusively in original bands.  i filled in for a lot of cover bands, but never had that be the focus of my creativity.  turns out…i miss the feeling.  i miss the anxiety of wondering what the response will be.  i miss creating something, sending it out, and seeing how it is recieved.  seeing how it impacts people.  i don’t think that anything comes closse to the immediate response of live performance.  if you’ve ever performed anything in front of a live audience, then you know what i’m talking about.  you know from the end of the first chorus of the first song, if it is going to be a good time or a bad time.  the thing is that with a live show, it isn’t like a drawing.  if people don’t like you, they still have to sit through another 40+ minutes of you.  if people don’t like your drawing/painting etc. they can just move along.  even when i record something and post it to tumblr.  you can click the little play button and 30 seconds in you can click the pause button.  you don’t have to listen to 44 more minutes of the thing that you don’t like.

now don’t get me wrong, i don’t write for the acceptance of others.  i write because it is what works for me.  i write because it is my outlet.  if i could draw, paint, act, tell jokes, make movies, or anything else, i would do that.  what i can do is write and play music.  it is really the only thing that comes natural to me.  when i have a feeling or thought, it comes out on paper or at least in melody and chords.  there are hundreds of pages in dozens of notebooks full of song ideas that never got passed the idea phase.  there are cock-tons of post-it notes with clever lines written on them stuck all over my apartment.  most of those words will never see the light of day, but they still served a purpose to me.  however, as any artist must admit, i must admit that i would be lying if said that it didn’t matter to me how other people felt about the art that i create.  it does.  otherwise i would’ve been able to sleep for the past two weeks since the show has been booked.  it is the artists’ dilemna.  you long for the acceptance.  the validation.  you long for someone to tell you that what you created is good, or at least ok.  you also want to convince yourself that you don’t care what they think…but you really really do.  damn i miss this feeling.

i didn’t find a field of sunflowers before i had to send soofy on his way, but hopefully you like the other pictures anyhow. i also didn’t make it to your show.. because i’m a bad friend (who was too burned out to drive anymore), but i still love you tawm.